Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
