I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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