so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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