we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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