He had one of those small greek statue penises
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
