im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
