Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize