I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
