I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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