Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm at about main and main street
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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