yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
