You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
