Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
