I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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