I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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