I will die if light touches me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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