Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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