a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want to make out with him forever
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
