No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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