We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
