Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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