i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
