if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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