We're facebook friends in real life
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
