So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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