How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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