what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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