I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
