Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he told me I talked like a deaf person
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
