Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
