I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
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Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize