Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
