had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
