There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
