So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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