I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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