I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
