Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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