Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
