I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
