Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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