He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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