I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
