Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
