Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
