You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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