you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
