finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
