NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
