i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
