Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
