Pappa wants mamma naked
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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