I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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