Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize