speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
