so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
