Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
