We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
