ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
