sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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