And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
