Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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